00001: Crawl together into a huddle and admit to yourself that you are a spineless Normie Maggot, powerless in the face of late modernity, and that your life has become unbearable. This first step is crucial.
00002: Accept that the forces of Chaos can change your ways, and that you deserve their assistance. Think big. Think scaly wings and fiery breath if you want to. Or maybe something more subtle?
00003: Make a conscious decision to dedicate your life to the forces of Chaos. Find a location that is meaningful to you and accessible at night, where you will not be disturbed. Design the ceremony beforehand. Inflame yourself with prayer.
00004: Make a personal inventory of your past decisions to pursue your Normie Maggot existence and how it lead to your current sorry state. Our dreams form our habits over time - note yours on a piece of paper, and decide which habits to keep and which ones to shed along the road.
00005: Admit to the forces of Chaos how you have wronged yourself by trying to become something you expected "everyone" to expect you to be, when this "everyone" as a category doesn't even exist. There is no Big Other. You are ultimately alone in a cold dark universe that only cares if you taste good. There are other people, however, and they are as scared and confused as you are.
00006: Be ready and prepared for your eventual transformation into a Chaos Magician. Stop shaving if you want to. Be difficult if you have to. This is not as easy as it sounds. Eventually people around you are going to notice, and then what? Will you laugh, will you run and hide, will you just stand there?
00007: Pursue what is meaningful by repeatedly pestering the forces of Chaos for your transformation. Return to your location regularly, refine the liturgical details of your prayer. It will typically become tedious even before it starts to seem stupid, but persist in kindling the black flame.
00008: Make a list of people you have hurt or shunned or bullied or oratracized or gossiped about because your inner parent was creeped out by them; include people you have consciously lied to in order for them to like you better. This may take quite some time. Be honest. It's ok to cry as long as you don't start pitying yourself, which will only make you bitter and small.
00009: Make amends to the people on the list to the best of your reasonable ability unless doing so will put either of you or anyone else at personal risk.
00010: Review and correct your personal inventory, admitting errors and outright fabrications. If you have nothing to add, change or subtract the first few times, chances are you have not done points 00004-00009 precisely enough. Be thorough.
00011: Strive for improved conscious contact with the forces of Chaos through prayer, meditation, skateboarding or bizarre rituals you either designed yourself or found online somewhere. Take your time with this step. Don't be afraid to re-take previous steps at this point.
00012: Having turned into a Chaos Magician, seek to carry this message to other Normie Maggots and apply these principles in all your affairs.
Still safe for work.
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